Beyond Fixing: The Art of Listening to Validate
Our instinct to "listen to fix" often comes from a place of good intentions, but it can unintentionally create distance in our relationships. When we jump to offer solutions, we risk dismissing the emotions and experiences of others. Shifting from "listening to fix" to "listening to validate" can transform how we connect, build trust, and foster psychological safety.
Why We Fix
The urge to fix stems from our biology and societal conditioning. Humans are wired to solve problems for survival. In today's world, this instinct persists—especially in professional settings that celebrate quick solutions. However, when someone shares their feelings or challenges, they may not be seeking fixes. They may simply be seeking connection.
The Cost of Fixing
"Listening to fix" can create disconnects. When we focus on solutions, people can feel dismissed or unheard, leading to frustration and eroded trust. For instance, if a colleague expresses stress about a project and you jump to offer tips, they may feel their emotions are overlooked. A simple acknowledgment—“That sounds overwhelming; I get why you’re stressed”—can foster understanding and connection.
The Shift to Validation
Validation means acknowledging someone’s emotions and making space for their experience. It doesn’t require agreeing with them; it simply requires presence. Here’s how to start:
Notice your urges. Pay attention to the physical sensations (e.g., tension, restlessness) that signal your impulse to fix.
Name emotions. Recognize what you’re feeling inside.
Navigate the urge to offer solutions. Instead, focus on listening for the other person’s emotion and validating it with a response like, “That sounds really tough. I can understand why you’d feel (insert the other person’s emotion).”
Why It Matters
Listening to validate builds deeper connections, improves communication, and fosters trust. Whether in the workplace or personal relationships, validation helps others feel seen, heard, and believed—key ingredients for psychological safety and meaningful connection.
By practicing this skill, you can transform not just conversations, but relationships and cultures. Start small, stay curious, and watch as your connections grow richer and more authentic.
