Navigating Tears at Work: A Guide to Emotional Resilience

Nov 18

In 1990, I was a young professional in my first office job. Fresh off the farm and out of college, proud to earn my own paycheck, and excited to meet new people and learn new things. But there was one challenge I hadn’t anticipated: a female co-worker, several decades older than me, who seemed to like working her stuff out on me. Getting me to cry felt like her sport. I choked back a river of tears, wondering why I couldn’t be stronger.

Every time I hear a client or friend express dread about crying at work, I reflect on those early days and share what I’ve learned over the years. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a powerful tool for emotional regulation, and understanding it can help us navigate life’s toughest moments.

The Science of Tears: Emotional Regulation in Action

Crying at work is often seen as weak and unprofessional, but science tells a different story. Tears are not merely an expression of sadness; they serve as a physiological reset, helping the body process and release stress. They contain stress hormones and toxins, providing a form of emotional cleansing.

When we cry, our body seeks homeostasis—a balance in our emotional state. This act signals that we need connection, comfort, or safety. Tears are deeply tied to our biological wiring for social bonding and regulation. In essence, they are an essential tool for moving through emotional challenges.

Why Tears Show Up at Work

The workplace is often a pressure cooker of deadlines, evaluations, and interpersonal dynamics. These stressors can trigger our nervous system’s fight, flight, or freeze response. If emotions are suppressed for too long, the body may override our composure, resulting in tears.

When we feel unsupported or judged, our nervous system shifts into a state of dysregulation. Tears often emerge as an attempt to restore balance, signaling that we need care and connection to reset.

Somatic Awareness: Listening to Your Body’s Signals

Somatic awareness—the practice of tuning into your body’s sensations—can help you regulate the urge to cry. By recognizing your body’s cues, you create space to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.

When you feel tears coming, pause and notice:

Tightness in your chest?
A lump in your throat?
Shallow or rapid breathing?

Acknowledging these signals can help you understand what your nervous system needs at the moment.

What to Do When You Feel the Urge to Cry at Work

Handling emotions in a professional setting can feel tricky, especially when we’ve been taught to stuff them. Here are some strategies to help you navigate these moments with confidence:

1. Pause and Ground Yourself

Take a few deep breaths, focusing on making your exhale longer than your inhale. This engages your parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calmness.
Ground yourself by pressing your feet into the floor or rubbing your hands together.

2. Seek Privacy

If emotions feel overwhelming, excuse yourself to a private space, like a restroom or a quiet room, where you can cry and regroup without fear of judgment.

3. Name the Emotion

Silently label what you’re feeling—frustration, sadness, or overwhelm. Research shows that naming emotions helps reduce their intensity by engaging the rational parts of your brain.

4. Reframe Tears as Strength

Remind yourself that crying is a natural and healthy response. It doesn’t make you less competent—it makes you human.

5. Debrief with Yourself

After the moment passes, reflect:

What triggered your emotional response?
What support or adjustments might help you avoid reaching that point again?

How Tears Build Emotional Resilience

Crying clears the emotional slate, helping you process difficult experiences and move forward. Tears are not a liability; they’re an opportunity to reset and strengthen your emotional resilience.

By integrating somatic awareness, you can approach emotional moments with compassion and confidence, turning what feels like a moment of vulnerability into one of curiosity and growth.

Creating Supportive Workplaces

Organizations play a critical role in reshaping how emotions are perceived and regulated at work. Leaders equipped with somatic awareness can cultivate an environment where employees feel safe, fostering trust, connection, and collaboration.

Here are practical steps leaders can take:

Encourage Open Conversations: Create a culture where employees feel seen, heard, and believed by listening to validate before listening to fix.
Provide Training in Somatic Awareness: Equip leaders and teams with tools to recognize and respond to emotional signals in themselves and others.
Offer Safe Spaces: Establish wellness or quiet rooms where employees can reset and recharge during challenging moments.

By understanding the science of tears and embracing emotional authenticity, organizations can redefine crying at work—not as a failure but as a natural and healthy part of emotional health and resilience.