The Art and Science of a Heartfelt Thanksgiving: Staying Grounded and Connected
It’s Thanksgiving Week—a time for gratitude, connection, and, let’s face it, navigating challenging dynamics. The amygdala doesn’t take holidays off, and we can be thankful for that in truly life-threatening situations, like a kitchen fire or a car accident on the way to dinner. But while a hurtful word, judgmental attitude, or sabotaging behavior can cut deep, these aren’t life-threatening—though the amygdala doesn’t know the difference. Its sole job is to protect us, whether the danger is real or perceived.
If we treat this part of our wiring like a nervous driver with a learner’s permit, rather than handing it the keys like it’s a seasoned pro, we’ll have a better chance of creating a gathering where people feel seen, heard, and believed—and nourished by the sweet sense of belonging.
Imagining a New Thanksgiving Reality
Can you imagine a Thanksgiving where connection and belonging take center stage? By imagining the kind of energy and interactions we wish to cultivate, we take the first step toward creating them. Imagination carries us into the reality we want to experience, helping us lift the heavy layers of stress and expectation that often weigh us down and shrink our emotional capacity.
When tensions rise, it’s easy to slip into old patterns, black-and-white thinking, or tunnel vision. But what if we approached those moments with curiosity instead of frustration? How might our perspective change if we looked beyond someone’s behavior to the underlying threat response driving it?
This practice anchors us in a calm, regulated state, even amidst the chaos and division of dysregulation. Staying grounded creates a ripple effect of calm and safety that can shift the energy in the room.
Noticing Your Own Dysregulation First
Before we can create calm, we first need to recognize our own dysregulation. Did you feel angry, seeing red in response to someone’s words? Does a certain look turn up the heat causing you to melt into a puddle, like Frosty the Snowman on a warm day? Or does the entire gathering leave you so tense that retreating to wash dishes alone feels like the best option?
Be somatically aware. Pause and check in with your body. Remember, you have six seconds before stress hormones flood your system and initiate a fight, flight, or freeze response. Use this brief window to ask yourself: Is this situation unsafe or just uncomfortable? If it’s the latter, you can guide yourself back to a calm, regulated state by grounding through your senses and engaging your nervous system in supportive ways, like:
Noticing the feel of your feet on the ground.
Letting your eyes rest on something pleasing.
Focusing on what you can see, smell, taste, hear, or touch.
Taking a deep breath, ensuring your exhale is longer than your inhale.
Rubbing your hands together and feeling the warmth generated.
Massaging the side of your neck to activate the vagus nerve and soothe your system.
These simple practices help restore a sense of safety, enabling us to stay present and responsive rather than reactive.
This work is not easy—it’s a lifelong journey of curiosity and practice. Yet, when we feel safe and connected, we can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting poorly to perceived threats. By doing so, we embody the calm and safety that invites others to do the same.
Creating a Thanksgiving to be Thankful for
This Thanksgiving, let’s imagine a reality where connection happens, compassion and curiosity lead the way, and our gatherings reflect the best of who we are. By leaning into somatic awareness and wholeheartedness, we can turn Thanksgiving into more than an event—a lived experience of joy, hope, and belonging.
